Lehitraot
by doodlegirll
Summary: Ziva's screams haunted him. .:Spoilers for 10x11 "Shabbat Shalom" and 10x12 "Shiva":. TIVA. Complete.
1. Chapter 1

**Show of hands, who else feels personally victimized by "Shabbat Shalom"?! **

**I sobbed so hard. I screamed and cried and wanted to die. It was really, really emotional for me. When Ziva cries like that...the universe is imploding in on itself. **

**However, thanks to this epi, I finally have a little bit of an idea of what kind of geeky parent I want to be someday! I've decided that whenever my kids have fan attacks like I did last night (because they will be raised to be devout geeks), I will hand them a nice cold 7-Up (which cures colds, flus, broken hearts, and fangirl/boy problems, I swear), give them a big hug, and direct them to the nearest fanfiction website. It will be awesome. **

**Anyway! This is only the second NCIS fic I've ever written, so please bear with me; I'm not used to writing the characters! I hope this helps mend some of the horrible aches in the hearts of some of my fellow NCIS fans; writing it helped me a little! I find it funny that the fandom was in such shock, there are practically NO fanfictions about the episode yet! Just puts it into perspective for me. **

**So enjoy, and may we all live through the coming week with our sanities! (And grow back new hearts, since mine was violently ripped from my chest, stomped on, dunked in the toilet, thrown against the wall, fed to a parakeet, regurgiated, set on fire, the ashes set on fire, and the ashes fed to great white sharks.)**

_**Disclaimer: **__**I own only the broken remains of a heart. Nothing else. **_

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**Lehitraot  
**An _NCIS _fanfiction  
_By doodlegirll_

...oOo...

Very Special Agent Tony DiNozzo had experienced a lot in his career at NCIS, death being only one of them. He had seen the deaths of petty officers, commanders, civilians. Mothers, fathers, brothers, sisters, sons, daughters.

He had been responsible for a few.

He had seen the death of dear friends, too: NCIS Director Jenny Shepard, his partner Kate Todd, Mike Franks.

He had been there, far too many times, when his teammates had been in danger, when they, too, had nearly lost their lives.

When Gibbs had been in an explosion and lost his memory.

When Abby had been kidnapped.

When Ziva had been in Somalia.

And, most recently, when NCIS had been the target of Harper Dearing's terroristic attacks.

But nothing, _nothing, _would ever compare to this.

Ziva was the strongest woman he knew. She held her cool in situations that would otherwise elicit a piss in the pants from anyone else. She was beautiful, and smart, and witty. She was wrapped in an enigma, dark and mysterious, and he learned something new about her every day. And when she smiled, she could light up a room.

Seeing her now, crumpled on the floor, her face twisted in agony, tears streaming down her face, almost killed him. Her screams, the way realization had dawned in her brown eyes, haunted him, sending shivers down his spine. He would never be able to forget the sound of her heart breaking. Not ever.

The coroners had already been to the scene and taken Eli's body back to NCIS headquarters, where he knew Ducky would take good care of him. Gibbs and the others had departed for the hospital, leaving Ziva in Tony's keep, with strict instructions to call when they left. The police were still outside, the lights of their cars bouncing off the walls, and he swallowed the lump in the back of his throat when he saw the splatters of blood on the paint. Soundlessly, he made his way towards her still form, squatting down to her level. He cautiously reached out a hand and shook her shoulder.

"Ziva." He whispered.

She took in a shuddering breath and turned to her head to look towards him.

"Tony." She said, her voice hoarse.

"Hey, you need to get up now." He said. "I'm going to take you home."

Gently he helped her to sit up, and then hoisted her to her feet. Her legs shook, and nearly buckled underneath her, and she reached out a hand to grab his arm for support. It was then the two of them noticed that her hands and shirt were stained with blood – Eli's blood. He heard her take a sharp intake of breath at the sight of them, and he put his arm around her waist and led her towards the kitchen sink, carefully minding the broken glass that littered the area.

"Here." He said, turning on the faucet. "Wash your hands."

Ziva did as she was told, scrubbing at her hands until they were almost raw, using the dish soap on the windowsill for added support. Once she was done, she turned off the faucet and faced him, wiping her damp hands on her pants.

"Better?" He asked.

She shook her head.

"No." She answered. "I am not better."

Fresh tears began to slowly make their way down her cheeks, and he reached out and brushed them away with the pads of his thumbs.

"Hey." He said. "We're going to get through this. It's going to be okay. Maybe not right now, but it will."

She shook her head, pulling herself away from Tony.

"But it will not!" She cried. "It will not be okay! Do you not understand, Tony? My father is dead! He is dead and I did not even get the chance to say goodbye! He and I were fighting…he killed Tyler Wilkes. I got angry with him and left the table to call Gibbs…" She brought a hand to her mouth, fighting back another sob. "He died thinking that I hate him."

With that, the flood gates opened, and she once again began to cry.

Within seconds he had her in his arms, holding her close as she cried, her body shaking almost violently as the sobs wracked her body. He half expected her to push him away, to dispel him aside as she did these moments of "weakness." But she didn't. She allowed him to hold her, to bear her, to offer what little he could in this situation. She clenched his jacket in her hands, burying her face in his chest.

"Shh, Zi, it's okay." He whispered in her ear as he soothingly rocked her back and forth. "It's going to be okay. I'm here."

"He is dead, Tony." Ziva sobbed. "He is dead and it is all my fault. If I had just stayed at the table and not gone outside, maybe I could have seen the shooter sooner and…"

"Ziva." Tony said, stroking her hair. "There's nothing you could have done. If you had stayed and not gone outside, you could be dead, too. He wouldn't have wanted that."

Ziva's hands dropped his shirt, and her arms slid underneath his to return his embrace.

"He only wanted to have dinner with me, to connect one last time. And I…I told him that I could not forgive him for his sins. He died not knowing how much I still loved him, how much I have always loved him. I never got to…" She shook her head, unable to continue.

"Eli knew how much you loved him, Zi." Tony assured her. "He knew the two of you had things to work out, and that's why he came to see you…on top of other things. But he wanted you to know that he loved you, and he knew he should ask forgiveness because he knew he had hurt you in the past. But he still knew you loved him."

"How do you know that for sure, Tony? How can you say that he absolutely knew that I loved him when the last thing that I did, the last interaction we shared, was me storming off?" Ziva demanded, lifting her head to look him in the eyes, her brown eyes stormy with grief and anger.

"Because he knew you were hurting. He knew that you wouldn't be hurt so much by his actions if you didn't love him." Tony rested his forehead against her. "Hate is not the opposite of love, Zi; indifference is. And if you were indifferent to what he has done in the past, and how he'd killed Wilkes…then you wouldn't be crying, now would you?"

Ziva opened her mouth to argue, but found that Tony's words rang true. So instead, she allowed her head to drop back to his chest.

After a few more moments in silence, Tony guided her to the door.

"C'mon." He said. "Let's get you home."

The two walked outside, Tony's hand never leaving her waist. He nodded at the police officers outside, who had taped off the area and were trying to calm and reassure concerned neighbors that everything was under control, flashing his badge momentarily. A female officer lifted the tape for the two of them, and they ducked beneath it and walked towards Ziva's Mini Cooper, which was still parked where she had left it at the curb.

"Get in." Tony instructed. "I'll drive."

Ziva nodded, and climbed into the passenger's seat. She fished around in her jacket pocket for a minute and produced the keys as Tony slid behind the wheel, handing them to him. He started the car, and carefully navigated the small car through the maze of cop cruisers and news vehicles. Before long, they found themselves on the main road, headed back towards downtown DC.

"Tony, this is not the way to my apartment." Ziva said after Tony took a left at a red light. "It is across town, near Meridian Hill."

"I know." Tony answered. "You're not going back to your apartment; we're going to mine."

"Why?" Ziva said. "I thought you were taking me home!"

"And leaving you there like this all alone? I don't think so." Tony said. "I'm taking you to my apartment, and you can stay there and get cleaned up while I go to the hospital and make sure everything is okay. McGee is headed back to headquarters to tell Abby and Ducky, and Gibbs is already at the hospital with Vance…Gibbs hasn't called so I don't know anything about Mrs. Vance's condition."

"I am not a child, Tony." Ziva said defensively. "I can take care of myself."

"I never said you were, Zi." Tony said. "I just want to make sure you aren't alone tonight, okay?"

They pulled into a parking lot, and Tony parked the Mini Cooper in an empty spot. The two of them climbed out of the car and headed towards the apartment building and up to Tony's door. He quickly ushered Ziva inside.

"There are some sweat suits in my closet you can wear." He said, nodding to Ziva's bloodstained shirt. "And you can use my shower, if you want. If you get hungry, there are some Thai leftovers in the fridge."

Ziva nodded. "Thank you, Tony." She said softly.

Tony smiled at her, and tenderly caressed her face for a moment.

And she let him.

"I'll be back later, okay?" He said. "I'm going to head to the hospital."

Ziva quickly gave him a hug, which under normal circumstances would have been uncharacteristic. She let the embrace linger for a moment before she gave him a quick peck on the cheek.

"Promise you won't run off while I'm gone?" Tony teased, trying to lighten the mood. "I don't want to have to call and tell Gibbs you've disappeared on me."

"I promise, Tony." Ziva agreed. She let her eyes drop towards the floor. "Don't be gone long?"

"Okay." He pressed a kiss to her forehead. "And hey, don't worry, okay? We're going to get through this. I promise."

"I will have to contact Mossad." Ziva said. "And his body will have to be flown back to Israel. I was his only family…I'll have to go and set up the funeral…"

"Don't worry about that right now." He instructed. "Just worry about calming yourself down and getting some sort of sleep. You're safe here."

She gave him a tiny smile. "I know." She whispered. "I will call you if I need anything."

"I'll have my phone on me." He promised. "I'll call you as soon as I know anything about Mrs. Vance."

"Yes, please." She agreed.

He squeezed her hand, and with that, he gave her one last smile, another peck on the forehead, and closed the door behind him as he left.

Ziva David was still the strongest woman he knew. And he knew that this, however painful and harsh the road ahead, she would come out victorious at the end of the race.

Tony swallowed dryly, and shook his head to avoid allowing his own emotions to fire up around him as he climbed back into Ziva's Cooper. In his head, she was still screaming, still holding tight to the body of Eli David, crying out words and phrases in Hebrew that he didn't recognize, not safe in his apartment where he would be able to make sure she got the rest and observation she needed, if only for that night. Those moments, those rare moments of vulnerability and humanity, that had overtaken the both of them that night would stay with him for the rest of his life.

And it still wasn't over yet.

Ziva was about to go through hell and back, and he'd be damned if he wasn't there with her every step of the way.

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**The title means "see you" or "I'll be seeing you" in Hebrew.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Okay, can we all just admit that "Shiva" was probably one of the most spectacular and overall perfect episodes in NCIS history?! It was enough to allow my heart to grow back like a lizard's tail. It was wonderful, and I am SO SO SO excited to see where Tony and Ziva's relationship evolves from this! It's most certainly been the "year of the Tiva," and it's not even over yet! :D**

**Also, I've decided this story will be divided into four parts: the first three will coincide with one another as a sort of trilogy, but the final chapter will be my speculatory whims as to what could happen - at least, what I would like to see happen - in the finale (I'm also writing that chapter for my dad, as he inspired it, and I think he'd enjoy a fanfiction or two ;). :) **

**Thank you all SO MUCH for your wonderful reviews, and I hope you enjoy this chapter! (Even if it is short!)**

_**Disclaimer: Do I own NCIS? I wish I did. Then I would make Tony and Ziva make pretty babies. **__**  
**_

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**Lehitraot  
**An _NCIS _fanfiction  
_By doodlegirll_

...oOo...

Ziva sighed as she finally closed the magazine Tony had bought her for the plane, rolling it up and clenching it in her hands, turning her head to peer out the window beside her at the scenery below. Her gum had long ago gone stale, and she had spit it into a napkin to be discarded later. And now, with Schmeil asleep across from her, snoring slightly, she found herself alone.

_At lo levad. _

"You are not alone." She whispered softly, remembering Tony's gentle words in her ear as he had seen her off, spoken with surprising fluency in Hebrew.

No, she was not alone. She had lost her father, yes, but she was still very much surrounded by a family that loved and cared for her. She still had Schmeil. She still had her team. And she still had Tony.

Tony had always been there for her, since day one, had always done his best to protect her. Hell, the man had embarked on what could only be coined as a suicide mission in Somalia for revenge when he believed that she had been killed. Throughout all the men that had used her in her life, he had always been the one to still be there in the end, ready to act the part of the faithful partner, the friend, with a movie and an ear to talk to. He had welcomed her into his home when she had felt as though her world were crashing around her, if only to make sure that she was safe. He had broken protocol and brought Schmeil back to DC for her, had cooked for her, had held her hand when she was frightened (no matter how reluctant she was to admit it).

And now, he was back in DC, waiting for her to return with a goofy grin on his face and a prank up his sleeve.

As of late, Tony had grown increasingly more affection with her, albeit subtly. Ever since the attack on NCIS by Dearing, she had felt herself growing more and more attached to Tony – especially emotionally. She was beginning to see that maybe, just maybe, there was something more behind that playful demeanor and flirtatious glee. Perhaps there was something much deeper there than ever before, and somehow, she could not imagine her life without him there.

_At lo levad. _

Ziva smiled as she rested her head back against the seat.

She accepted that this was not going to be easy. During shiva, she would embark on the highly emotional journey of laying her father to rest, as well as his memory. But so long as she had her family back in DC waiting for – had _Tony _waiting for her – somehow, she knew that it would be worth the fire.

"_Lehitraot, _Tony." She whispered softly, and finally allowed herself to sleep.


End file.
